The Feminine Filter: What You Say is Not What We Hear

07 Sep

As women we think differently and feel differently.

When someone makes a negative comment we truly take it to heart. It impacts us emotionally and physically. Women overcoming eating disorders can pinpoint the exact moment someone made a mean comment. This sparked a negative spiral in their life. Many females who suffer from low self esteem can pinpoint exactly when and where something was said. We need words of support and encouragement.

The one thing I tell most men is that as women, we probably already know what’s wrong with us so stop pointing it out.

Here’s some real life examples:


“I can’t get her back in the gym. I keep telling her she needs to go.”

What we hear is, “I’m not good enough.”


“I tell her she needs to lose weight and she’ll feel better.”

What we hear is, “I’m overweight and I’m too lazy to do anything about it.”


Telling someone what to do usually has the opposite effect. Honestly speaking, no one wants to be told to get in to the gym. They especially don’t want to be nagged about it. What we need is emotional support and encouragement. Standing and pointing the finger and saying “here’s what I think you should do” comes across as judgmental and critical.


What we want to hear is:

“I’d love for us to be active together.

If there’s something you’d like to try,

I’m happy to help you get started in any way I can.”

Getting healthy is not an individual effort. It’s important for your partner to feel emotional support coming from you. It helps when it feels like you’re in it together. I hope that encouraging your partner helps her reach her true potential. Your words have power. Use them for good!